Lord Jesus,
this morning in prayer, I pause beside you at the table of your Last Supper.
I enter this sacred room, full of tension, love, and impending pain. You, who knew everything that was about to happen, sat among your friends and opened your heart to them.
“Truly, truly, I tell you: Whoever receives the one I send receives me; and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me.” (Jn 13, 20)
Yet you knew that there was also weakness in them. Your words pierced the silence and the certainty of the disciples. Words that carried the weight of the inevitable.
When Jesus had said this, he was troubled in spirit, testified, and said: “Truly, truly, I tell you: One of you will betray me.” (Jn 18, 4)
All the confusion and fear that filled the room, you carried in your heart.
Lord, Let Me Lean on You
But in the midst of this dread, there was an island of peace, a haven of trust. The disciple whom you loved found his place where I, too, long to be this morning—close to your heart.
One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to him. (John 13:23)
Give me the courage of that disciple, so that in moments of uncertainty and fear, I do not look around, but lean in toward you and ask directly.
Leaning back against Jesus, he asked him, ‘Lord, who is it?’ (John 13:25)
Your answer was not an accusation, but an action. An action that revealed the truth in all its pain, yet at the same time offered one last chance for repentance.
Jesus answered, ‘It is the one to whom I will give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.’ Then, dipping the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot. (John 13:26)
And when the decision was made, when darkness had swallowed the light in his heart, you sent him on his way.
As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him. So Jesus told him, ‘What you are about to do, do quickly.’ (John 13:27)
Then he left. And all was darkness.
“As soon as Judas had taken the bread, he went out. And it was night.” (John 13:30)
Now Is the Hour of Glory
But, Lord, you are the God who brings forth the brightest light from the deepest darkness. The moment betrayal walked out the door, you spoke of glory.
Jesus replied, ‘The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified.’ (John 12:23)
This is your logic, Lord. A logic that transcends my human calculations. A logic where the cross is the path to glory.
When he was gone, Jesus said, ‘Now the Son of Man is glorified and God is glorified in him.’ (John 13:31)
And then you told them that you were leaving. That your path was different, and that for now, they could not follow.
‘My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come.’ (John 13:33)
I am so much like Peter, Lord. Full of grand words and promises, confident in my own strength and faithfulness.
Simon Peter asked him, ‘Lord, where are you going?’ Jesus replied, ‘Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later.’ (John 13:36)
Peter asked, ‘Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.’ (John 13:37)
But you, in your infinite love and knowledge of my heart, answer with the truth. Not to condemn me, but to prepare me.
Then Jesus answered, ‘Will you really lay down your life for me? Very truly I tell you, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times!’ (John 13:38)
Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.’ (Luke 22:34)
Lord, today I ask you: guard me from the spirit of Judas’s betrayal and from the spirit of Peter’s self-assurance.
Give me the heart of John, so that I may always lean upon you, and in you find all truth, strength, and love.
Amen.
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