The Intimacy Men Need But Don't Know They Need

In his revealing work, “Unwanted,” Jay Stringer unveils a profound truth about the male experience within marriage – men often struggle to express their intimacy needs outside the realm of sex.

This over-reliance on physical connection burdens their partners and, ironically, can hinder the very connection they crave.

How can we help men broaden their understanding of intimacy for a healthier, more fulfilling dynamic within marriage?

The Burden of One-Dimensional Intimacy

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Loving Him Well: Practical Advice on Influencing Your Husband

Thomas, Gary (Author)
English (Publication Language)

When a man cannot articulate his emotional or spiritual needs, a dopamine-fueled dependence on sex can arise.

This turns a spouse into a catch-all solution for every internal struggle, making intimacy feel obligatory rather than mutually desired. If we are to empower healthy marriages, men need to explore the multifaceted nature of their needs.

The Spectrum of Male Needs

Beyond sexual desire, men thrive on a sense of connection with God, intellectual stimulation, meaningful work, respect, a spirit of adventure, and moments of both rejuvenation and playfulness. Neglecting these aspects can lead to an emptiness that inadvertently results in selfish behaviors as a desperate bid to find fulfillment.

Self-Nurturance: The Key to Sustainable Giving

“Giving” without attending to your own well-being is like pouring from an empty pitcher. A “full” man, one who nurtures his own needs, can offer himself more authentically to his partner. This requires an awareness of individual needs without apology or shame.

Both men and women benefit from this mindset—it combats the martyr mentality that corrodes a relationship’s long-term health.

Adventure, Respect, & The Dangers of Neglect

Most men find a sense of aliveness in embracing challenges. Whether it’s the thrill of a sporting event or the quiet satisfaction of personal achievement, this spirit of adventure is integral to male well-being. It prevents the stagnation that can lead to harmful coping mechanisms.

Similarly, feeling respected, both within the marriage and beyond, is vital. When this need is unmet, even sex itself can feel like a negotiation for respect instead of an expression of love.

Seeking a Holistic Life: Permission for Joy

The Bible itself celebrates moments of joy and simple pleasures. Healthy enjoyment of what life offers is divinely sanctioned! Jay Stringer’s book, “Unwanted,” guides those struggling with unwanted sexual behaviors.

Practical Action: Start The Conversation

Men, it’s time to take inventory. What are the needs that energize you? Discuss these with friends and your spouse. Strategize ways to make space for them in your life. Sex remains important, but when woven into the tapestry of a well-rounded life, it becomes a more fulfilling and desired expression of connection.

Intimacy is a Symphony, Not a Solo

The craving for intimacy is not a flaw; demanding its exclusive expression through your spouse is where the disconnect lies. A fulfilling marriage honors mutual support.

As a man becomes more attuned to nourishing his own needs, his capacity to offer his wife genuine love, both intimately and beyond, is dramatically enhanced.