Is It Bad To Be Jealous? Approaching Jealousy in Christian Relationships

Jealousy is very human; like most human emotions, it can be challenging to deal with. The Bible does not directly address jealousy, but its close relations—covetousness and envy—are.

Jealousy can incorporate some of the same dangers as those other states but with one key difference. It can only happen within a relationship.

Is Jealousy a Bad Thing?

Covetousness and envy are looked down upon in the Bible for two main reasons. The first is that they mean that we have forgotten God’s gifts. The second is that they set the stage for the more severe sins of theft and adultery.

Everything true of covetousness and envy is true of jealousy, but jealousy has an added danger. You can be jealous only of things you do not have. You can be jealous only over things that you do have. In this article, we’re talking specifically about jealousy within relationships.

King Saul’s Jealousy

One notable example of jealousy can be found in the life of King Saul from the Bible. King Saul’s jealousy towards David is a classic illustration of how this emotion can erode relationships and lead to one’s downfall. Initially, Saul was very fond of David, but as David’s popularity and success grew, Saul’s admiration turned into jealousy.

This jealousy consumed Saul, leading him to view David as a threat rather than an ally. Instead of focusing on his strengths and kingdom, Saul’s envy drove him to paranoia and numerous attempts to kill David. This story exemplifies the destructive nature of jealousy and highlights the importance of constructively addressing and managing such emotions.

If you are jealous of your partner and handle the situation poorly, it can hurt the relationship and your partner. If you are jealous of your partner and don’t handle the problem, it can hurt you. Many Bible passages referring to jealousy in relationships are warnings and advice for all parties.

Psychological Insights

Understanding the psychological roots of jealousy can provide deeper insights into managing it. Jealousy often stems from deep-seated insecurities, fear of abandonment, or past experiences of betrayal. These underlying causes can trigger intense emotional reactions when individuals perceive a threat to their relationship.

Recognizing these root causes allows individuals to address their feelings more constructively, fostering healthier interactions and reducing the destructive impact of jealousy.

So the question becomes, how do you manage jealousy in relationships?

Avoid Jealousy

Sometimes, the Bible tells us to avoid something because it hurts God, but most often, it hurts us. Jealousy falls into the latter camp.

Jealousy, particularly in cases of adultery, can hurt everyone involved. As a result, one of the most elaborate prohibitions on adultery in the Bible focuses less on the pain being caused to the one who is cheated on and more on the pain being caused to everyone else.

“He who commits adultery has no sense; he who does it destroys himself. Wounds and dishonor will he get, and his disgrace will not be wiped away. For jealousy makes a man furious. He will not spare when he takes revenge. He will accept no compensation, nor be appeased though you multiply gifts”

Proverbs, 6:32-35

This prohibition is targeted at those who do the cheating—but what about the partner who experiences jealousy, whom the Bible assumes is a man? He, too, is advised to rise above these emotions because they weaken him spiritually.

“For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving like ordinary men?”

1 Corinthians, 3:3

It’s true that in this passage, St. Paul is writing about a different kind of jealousy, but I think that the sentiment applies.

Talk about Your Feelings

Jealousy can be challenging, primarily because of how we talk about it. Their husbands may paint Women who experience jealousy as being paranoid or controlling. Men who experience jealousy may be cast as being immature or impotent.

These fears can lead us to want to hide our jealousy rather than confront it with our partners and face the emotions that talking about it can elicit. However, the Bible tells us precisely what we should do.

“Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? Better is open rebuke than hidden love.”

Proverbs, 27:4-5

This isn’t only a warning that the partner who is feeling jealous should talk about it. It is also a warning that the partner doing something that might cause jealousy should clear the air sooner rather than later.

What to Do about Jealousy

Jealousy can put you in a position in which you are likely to do something you might regret later.

If you do experience jealousy, be careful that you approach it constructively. This means approaching the situation from a position of understanding and conciliation rather than judgment and anger. The cornerstone of any Christian relationship should be the desire to grow together in faith.

Practical Tips for Managing Jealousy

Jealousy can be a challenging emotion to navigate, but there are practical steps you can take to manage it effectively:

Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without being overwhelmed. Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, and journaling can help you gain perspective and calm your mind.

Open Communication: Discuss your jealousy openly and honestly with your partner. Sharing your concerns can help you understand each other’s perspectives and work together to address the underlying issues.

Set Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries in your relationship can help prevent situations that might trigger jealousy. Discuss acceptable behavior to ensure both partners feel secure and respected.

Focus on Self-Improvement: Building your self-esteem and confidence can reduce feelings of insecurity that often fuel jealousy. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself and work on personal growth.

Seek Professional Help: If jealousy becomes overwhelming or difficult to manage, consider seeking counsel from a trusted advisor, counselor, or therapist. Professional guidance can provide you with tools and strategies to cope with jealousy constructively.

Reflect on Positive Aspects: Remind yourself of the positive aspects of your relationship and the qualities you appreciate in your partner. Focusing on the good can help counterbalance negative emotions and reinforce your bond.

Practice Forgiveness: Learning to forgive past hurts and move forward is crucial in overcoming jealousy. Holding onto grudges or past betrayals can perpetuate negative feelings and hinder your relationship’s growth.

By implementing these practical tips, you can approach jealousy constructively, fostering a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.