How Should Christians Handle Disagreement?

In our day-to-day lives, we occasionally stumble upon people we disagree with. Sometimes, we disagree on big things and sometimes on small things, though it tends to sting more if you disagree with someone you’re close to.

I suppose it’s natural to want to avoid disagreement. After all, we want to belong and fit in. But what should we do about it? Should we place our beliefs above those we love or below?

What’s in their Heart?

Sometimes, we hold fast to specific beliefs because they are tied to something personal within us, whether an emotional issue or not.

If that’s the case, when we encounter someone passionately defending their beliefs, it might help to overlook what they are saying in favor of understanding where they are coming from first. 

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What’s in the heart of that person, and what drives it? 

As an example, let me share an experience I’ve had with this. 

A friend once told me she believes in “love yourself first.” She emphasizes her own needs, puts herself before others, and loves herself above others. 

After spending time with her, I learned that her beliefs stem from her being so hard on herself. Her views are sort of a projection of that. She is a perfectionist, not only with external things but also with herself.

Long story short, she wants a pat on the back. She will give it to herself if no one gives it to her. 

Knowing where she’s coming from helps me understand her better. Even if we disagree, I get it.

Mercy, Not Judgment

Jesus was the first to hang out with people who led lives and believed things He disagreed with. He gave them a chance nonetheless.

As He says: 

“Go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.” 

Matthew 9:13

Some translations of the quote from Matthew say “judgment” instead of sacrifice.

That person before you may need some understanding or a heart-to-heart talk rather than an intellectual debate.

Love Your Enemies

I think it boils down to practicing unconditional love. Caring and showing a genuine interest in being there for someone as a friend first might go a long way later. 

For animation lovers, a movie called How to Train Your Dragon deals with a similar topic.

 A boy shoots down a dragon, intending to kill it, and takes away his ability to fly alone. The boy and the dragon make amends and establish a powerful bond. 

Here’s what we can get out of this: 

Isn’t it beautiful to see two enemies coming together and becoming best friends in a story despite having done awful things to each other? It touches my heart every time I see it. (Full disclosure: this has become one of my favorite movies ever.) 

Let’s do what Jesus did and see what’s in a person’s heart. Sometimes, all that’s needed is a little compassion.